


I fucking love you so much

by YuuHakTaek



Series: When He Loves Them [1]
Category: GOT7, Monsta X (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Artist Jungkook, Bottom Jungkook, Committed Relationship, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Smut, First Love, I will add tags along I upload a new chapter, Jungkook gets crazy in love, Jungkook-centric, Jungkook/Yugyeom interactions, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Past Abuse, Past Jungkook/Taehyung, Past Relationship(s), Pianist Yoongi, Sad Jungkook, Self-Harm, Somehow, Top Min Yoongi | Suga, True Love, Violent Thoughts, Young falls for him so hard, insane, jikook bffs, jikook platonic - Freeform, minor vmin interactions, past Jungkook/Yugyeom, taekook bffs, yoonseok bffs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2018-09-03 17:59:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8724298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YuuHakTaek/pseuds/YuuHakTaek
Summary: What if Jungkook falls so hard in love with Yoongi, that he will do anything for him.Jungkook meets Yoongi through music, Yoongi meets Jungkook through paints.Where Yoongi is a famous pianist, composer and producer and Jungkook is a recognized twisted artist.They slowly grow up a relationship, with each of them crazy about each other.But, something goes wrong and Yoongi has to fix Jungkook, because he is so fucked up.Yoongi is older with some adult and life stuff but Jungkook has another issues aside his normal stuff(career, family, adult stuff).(or Yoongi and Jungkook fall for each other so hard but to be together they have to deal with their pasts and futures).





	1. First Love

“Don’t you wanna come?” Taehyung said as he gave him the black paper with some information. _Boring._

 

“Piano? Are you kidding me?” He snorted and threw the paper to the trashcan. 

 

 _Tch_. Taehyung grabbed the paper from the trashcan and unfolded it. “It’s not just piano, it’s Yoongi hyung’s piano, his own songs and his own shit in some symphonies. It’s actually great. I bet it would give you inspiration.”

 

“Tae, I don’t need inspiration, I just need shitty and useless stuff.” He blinked twice before his sight went up to the roof. He had felt how Taehyung's presence disappeared from the living room which was supposed by his footsteps.

 

He went into Jungkook’s room picking some simple attire and walked back to the other throwing the amount of clothes against Jungkook's face. “To be honest, I don’t care, just get dressed and let's go, I already bought the tickets.”

 

Jungkook huffed in annoyance. He stood up and walked to the bathroom while whining at Taehyung. “I don’t know why did you ask me if you were going to drag me anyways.” 

 

-

 

For Jungkook surprise, Taehyung didn't drag him into some of those opera in concert halls as he expected, but it was a bar. But not any bar, it was a popular bar, which was filled with good music and chill people. It was just relaxing and Jungkook liked it. He felt fine. For an instance, he had lost Taehyung from his side making Jungkook stay stiff in the same spot he was left. _Great_ the last thing he needed was to be lost in a place he didn't want to be.

Without announce, the lights went off and a gentle piano started playing. _And this is gre—._ That's how the song brought life back to Jungkook, the gentle sound was mixed with a melodious rap able to rip anything apart and it trapped Jungkook completely into a new world; Jungkook didn't noticed when his face started to heat up, there wasn't a noise, there was music, soothing savage words into a red sunrise palette, the pianist slash rapper got those colors on him, made him so beautiful and so fucking good. Fuck.

Jungkook was so damn in love, strangely he was so damn overwhelmed, he couldn't breath properly but his eyes caught up on the scenery and the palette. Raw and powerful colors, everything in warm and dark colors; so, even before the performance came to it's end. He wasn't there anymore.  Jungkook was gone.

 

_“Here we present our pianist, Min Yoongi and his song ‘First love’ who has completely hypnotized everyone, we hope have more from him in a future.” The host announced and Yoongi bowed._

 

Jungkook’s phone buzzed so many fucking times but he couldn't give a fuck right now. Not when he was absorb at painting. You could listen to the brush caressing the canvas but splashing the colors aggressively, his living room was covered with old newspapers and slowly turning into a mess, therefore, Jungkook was painting at the rhythm of that song played in his mind so many times on loop, he was feeling everything making himself twist the final. By the end of the day, his home was empty with a lingering smell of acrylics when Taehyung and Jimin passed by. They eyed all the newspapers scratched and stepped on by same dirty foot and the drips of fresh dry paint with a lonely easel in the middle of it. In that easel resided a post-it, ‘ _At the gallery’._

 

Taehyung and Jimin were filled with warm emotions, cause it has been years of this scenery. 

 

Taehyung invited Namjoon, Hoseok, Seokjin and Yoongi to the gallery as a thanks for the invitation to the previous performance and maybe to show them the artworks of their younger companion. They agreed and were reunited at the main hall. Jimin glanced every main work recently made but he couldn't spot Jungkook or his own work, weird. Namjoon, Seokjin and Yoongi wandered around the gallery meanwhile the famous ‘Jungkookie’ decided to appear and finally meet him. But what came with a surprise was Hoseok screaming in shock, but it was really a scream that made everyone in there to shush him and the others to rush to him. 

 

“What the fuck, Hoseok!?” Everyone confused by the latter's action. Making Namjoon be the one scolding Hoseok.

 

“Look at this! Is Yoongi hyung!” Hoseok didn't care except of pointing at the recent artwork where his friend was.

 

But indeed was Yoongi, was Yoongi playing piano and it was so fucking beautiful. Painted with browns, reds, oranges, blacks and blues for contrast. Yoongi was quiet fascinated, and he couldn't stop staring at it, he couldn't stop the heat coming to his cheeks or the warmth spread in his chest. 

 

“This is so fucking awesome.” Namjoon was the one to break abruptly the silence. And he read the artist’s name for everyone to hear. “ _Jeon Jungkook_ and the work is called _‘My First Love’._ ” 

 


	2. Strangers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungkook fell in love with the melodies of his blood.
> 
> Yoongi fell in love with the blood of his painting.
> 
> They are so mad for each other without really knowing about them. Yet.

‘ _My first love’_

 

«There were two souls enjoying the warmth between their bodies and the substancial love. There were two souls at the same age and color hair, two souls sharing smiles and lazy kisses, two souls enjoying the meaning of life without caring about others. Until one of them diseased completely before saying goodbye. 

 

That diseased soul was Jungkook’s. 

 

He was never in love with Yugyeom, in reality it never was love, what he felt with Yugyeom, it was desire and pleasure and friendship. Somehow similar to Taehyung’s relationship he have, except that Taehyung is meant for Jimin, so that’s why Jungkook and Taehyung never had a lovers story aside Jungkook and Yugyeom.

 

Yugyeom fell for Jungkook when he first saw him painting abyss and oceans, because he could see Jungkook’s darkest sight. _But it wasn’t the darkest._

 

Three years took Yugyeom to leave Jungkook. Three years of a one-sided love for Yugyeom, three years of an empty relationship for Jungkook, three years of trivial paintings, three years of more hurtful suicidal and depressive thoughts for Jungkook, three years for Yugyeom to know in reality how Jungkook is. _How he really is._

 

Jungkook the only joy he can provide to himself is the bright colors he brings with his paintings.

 

But it’s been a while since a true paint. »

 

_Until now._

 

“Shit.” The knife falls off his hands. The blood just slides down until falling to the floor. Such a waste. 

 

Jungkook admires the dark red of his blood until it dries off. He stares the meaningless lights on the roof while the curtains are off and the light of the sun enters perfectly. He is playing last night melody with his humming without mistakes in the rhythm, he obviously is fascinated. That harmonious melody is interrupted by a buzz, that this time is hearable.

 

‘Yes, hyung?’ 

 

‘Where the fucking heck you are, you little shit’ Jungkook hears in the other line a smack, probably from Jimin because he hates when Taehyung insults unnecessarily.

 

‘At my private room, playing with sharp things. Do you know that dark red is really precious?’ He smirks at the hung up line.

 

Isn’t the first time, isn’t the last neither. It’s like a routine, like something that have to be done some hour in the day or night, because pain is another way to feel alive, is another way to make art. It is. For him it is, for him anything wrong is so right. Suddenly a stranger hand grabs Jungkook’s bleeding hand and pulls it to his lips. The stranger was licking his blood and Jungkook is blushing into the same red his blood is.

 

Taehyung runs in with a first aid kit and blushes too at that heated scene. “Yoongi Hyung, what the fuck!?” 

 

Jungkook looks up and _Oh_. The stranger isn't a stranger anymore. The stranger is Min Fucking Yoongi. The pianist smirks for Jungkook only and he flinches in response.

 

So excited because those strangers are mad for each other without even meeting. Yet.

 


	3. Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungkook have issues
> 
> Yoongi is his best medicine
> 
> But medicine takes time to do effect.

“I should really cut your hands off, stupid brat.” Taehyung snorts while crossing his arms.

 

“Hyung, if you do that I could never do art, tho.” Jungkook replies while holding his coffee with the bandaged hand. He shyly glances towards the black haired pianist.

 

Namjoon giggles at the actual situation. They found the artist responsible of the paint ‘First Love’ with his wrist bleeding uncontrollable and he wasn’t doing anything for it. But what was going to do Jungkook about it when he does that stuff normally when he isn’t fine. Like all the time, that’s why Taehyung or Jimin are always with him. Hoseok is actually squealing because of how cute the coincidence is. Seokjin glancing to Jimin in order to comprehend the situation because is kind of worrying. And Yoongi is playing the stare game with Jungkook.

 

“You are right, twisted genius.” Taehyung huffs irritated and eats a bite of his cake.”Then can you explain us, what the actual heck with that painting?”

 

At Taehyung question everyone glances towards Jungkook. First time in his life, he shrugs nervously. “What do you mean, Tae?”

 

“It’s hyung for you, and you know perfectly what I’m talking about.” Looks suspiciously towards him. “I know you left before they announce the song name and when I arrived home there was paint drops in all the house.” 

 

Jimin adds. “Plus, it’s been six months since you painted something really good without doping yourself. What change?”

 

Jungkook blushes and points Yoongi. “Him.”

 

“Me?” Yoongi snorts. “Are you serious brat?”

 

“Wait, are you saying that Yoongi is somehow your muse?” Taehyung asks dumbfounded.

 

Taehyung knows Jungkook since babies. He knows how introverted is he and how he never has found someone. Jungkook lost everything before reaching his fifteen years and since that age he is been struggling with so much troubles. Jungkook started an artistic career before finishing school, one time he painted in bright colors but when his life got a deep wound; the colors changed, his thoughts too. He is a lost soul in a sea of the brightest lights. Taehyung has been living with Jungkook since his first relapse. Taehyung and Jimin have been by his side since forever and still; fearing he will take his life away.

 

Jungkook nods and sips on his coffee nervously. “ _His fire will be a beautiful burn in my skin_.” It sounded like a song and Yoongi shivers hearing those words.

 

His skin stand on end and his eyes lights up. He chuckles while being an incorrigible mess at the younger’s words. “Interesting. We should get some coffee more often. Jungkook.”

 

Jungkook shyly smiles. “Yes, we should, hyung.” 

 

The quick connection between the pianist and the artist make the rest of the crew stay totally dumbfounded. They exchanges numbers as well the rest of the members. At the end of that day, they created a group chat with the random name Taehyung thought. ‘Bangtan’.

 

**[Bangtan group chat]**

 

 **Hobi-** Yoongi will have another concert this week. Wanna go?

 

 **Chimmi-** Hobi hyung are you Yoongi hyung personal manager? lol

 

 **Hobi-** Of Course Jiminnie :)

 

 **Joonie-** I’ll go, Seokjin says he will go too

 

 **Hobi-** Aigoo, we interrupted a heated scene?  >D

 

 **Joonie-** Almost, I haven’t entered yet

 

 **Jin-** Shut it, Joon or I cut you off

 

 **Tae-** Scary…

 

 **Suga-** Shut up, trying to sleep…

 

 **Tae-** That’s even more scary…

 

**—**

 

Jungkook throws the phone to the couch and screams a choked noise. He wasn’t capable to leave the group chat because that was Taehyung condition if he wanted to be alone. And he has to read all message to know he is alive. He grabs his head strong and hopes it will be over soon. Again and again his head is so empty in white. 

 

**[Bangtan group chat]**

**Chimmi-** So hyung, when is Yoongi hyung concert?

 

 **Hobi-** I’m glad you asked, Jiminnie. Friday night, he will be performing outside, so it will rain and Yoongi will look handsomer :)

 

 **Yoongi-** Stop saying that, Hobi…

 

 **Jin-** Piano, Yoongi and Rain, sounds a very aesthetic combination!

 

 **Kook-** I’ll go.

 

Tae- REALLY!?? You hate concerts and everything else, I literally BEG YOU to leave your apartment that day!!!

 

 **Chimmi-** Omo, Yoongi hyung has superpowers on Jungkookie, it took us almost two years to take Jungkookie out. Even for dinner he rejects us.. :c

 

 **Kook-** Shut it hyung. It is an aesthetic combination and I’m an artist. By the way, you always wanted me to go to clubs when you know I hate those environments.

 

 **Tae-** Excuses Kook, and you know it.

 

 **Kook-** Should I turn off my phone?

 

 **Tae-** You piece of shit do that and I cut your head off!!

 

 **Kook-** It will be a pleasure… Hyung.

 

**Kook is disconnected.**

 

 **Tae-** Jimin, is Jungkook in the dorm?

 

 **Chimmi-** His room is locked… Are you coming over and kick the door?

 

 **Tae-** Yes… Coming.

 

 **Joonie-** What’s the big deal, isn’t he an adult? Leave him…

 

 **Hobi-** Yeah, maybe he is overwhelmed of too many protection Tae

 

 **Chimmi-** You will never understand, this isn’t just any a teenager feelings burst… This is about our twisted minded best friend who had attempted suicide so many FUCKING TIMES

 

 **Suga-** Where are you? 

 

 **Chimmi-** My dorm, Tae hasn’t arrive yet… I’m really desperate…

 

 **Suga-** I’m a block away, coming. Open your door. Seokjin bring your first aid kit.

 

 **Jin-** On my way with Joonie and Hobi.

 

**—**

 

There is anything wrong. Just exaggeration what Jungkook thinks when Jimin hits constantly the fucking door. Yeah, right; he has tried to suicide so many times but for now he has a purpose to survive. He is in love, truly in love. Not a game like Taehyung or just company like Yugyeom. This is a big deal and Jungkook wants him, but doesn’t know how to do something when he has never tried something like flirting or confessing. Jungkook sighs and gets mad. Something breaks against the wall and adorns the floor with glasses shards, some of them fall over his skin giving it more light. Or just white dots mixed with red liquids. Let it fall as he is actually letting tears fall, all over his skin.

 

Jungkook snaps off his thoughts when his door room disappears absolutely in a kick. Yoongi rushes to his side, Jimin too. Seokjin’s yelling Yoongi’s name is heard from afar; Yoongi mutters a ‘Shit’ and Jimin gasps. Jungkook isn’t gone yet just painted in red.

 

“I could call myself ‘Lost’ as a paint for my gallery.” He jokes, Jimin scolds him with ‘Yah’ and Yoongi glares him.

 

“Are you kidding me? You brat!” Yoongi grunts at the amount of blood in Jungkook’s arms and legs. Seokjin bring some water to clean. Then just for seconds Yoongi is there, just him.

 

Jungkook leans and kisses him. “You taste like fire, hyung.” 

 

Yoongi forgets the actual situation. “And you are cold as shit, brat.” Kisses back.

 


	4. Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First impressions are important
> 
> but these are messed up and Jungkook prefered running away than facing them.
> 
> Because Min Fucking Yoongi is his damn weakness.

Attracted. Attached. First sight love, is the very first experience for him. Kisses, hugs, stupid love and sex; innocent and without feelings for him. It’s nothing than company, nothing than someone to burn time, in order to not be alone it was okay; it was okay. Now it wasn’t, it was a kiss like fire for his cold soul, first time a single and random kiss was too much for him. 

 

“It is wrong if I get addicted by just looking at you? It was one kiss and I already am burn.” Said waking up after his stupid drama.

 

Yoongi raised one's eyebrows and chuckled. “That quick, brat?” 

 

“Just answer me, hyung.” He lightly pouted as he sat up gently. 

 

“Not wrong, just too fast.” He sighs and stands up. “Give it time, you are running. Walk, I won’t go.” 

 

“You are leaving now.” 

 

“Because I have a life.” Yoongi left a paper on the nearest desk and lifted his phone. “But I’m here.” He smiled. Gummy smile, another thing Jungkook was obsessed about.

 

Yoongi left him alone in that white and sick room. Jungkook hated hospitals, hated being closed up in empty places even if it was so full, but white was so empty in his eyes. But he knew he couldn’t move yet, or probably he would get killed by Taehyung or Jimin. Well, if getting killed was an option to threat.

 

—

 

Two hours, two days, one day before Yoongi’s concert. He left hospital due his complaining that sincerely Taehyung hated when Jungkook gets so irritable.

 

“Such a pain in the ass. If you hate hospital then stop being such a suicidal jerk.” He huffed in annoyance. “I’m sick of it.” Taehyung said to himself but clearly hearable for Jungkook.

 

“Although this time wasn’t something suicidal, you are so exaggerated, Tae. Even you told about my issues in front the rest who barely fucking know me.” It’s comprehensible to get mad. Really this time he didn’t wanted to commit suicide he just was off and angry. Plus the glass just decided to break up on him. Totally not his fault. “Hope you didn’t went further with my problems.”

 

Taehyung gulped and Jimin glanced to him. “Tae, you didn’t-“ And Jungkook knew what would happen now. “What the fuck— Why?”

 

“I’m sorry, I was hell of worried and needed a ride and they were there…” He spewed the words rambling.

 

—

 

“Yoongi!” Jaebum exclaimed hitting softly the others back. 

 

He was staring to his empty messages. Two days without his crazy admirer signal he is still interested. Yoongi was quite in his world and reacted to late when Jaebum got near him. “Jaebum, hey.”

 

“It’s a surprise seeing you here.”

 

“Yeah, Hoseok called me to record some stuff and take some pictures for my concert publicity. You know how excited Hoseok gets.” 

 

Jaebum laughed. “Yeah, I get him. I’m so proud of your actual career.” Rubbed his back.

 

“So, I heard you are dating Yugyeom. How come? I heard he was dating a jerk.” He laughed.

 

“Yes, he was. He didn’t loved Yugyeom. He was just dating him because he tried to make him happy, but Yugyeom couldn’t go more than three years. Now they are ‘friends’, because Yugyeom can’t leave him alone it’s his first love.”

 

“Having that problem, it isn’t better if you broke up with Yugyeom if he is like that.” 

 

Jaebum sighed. “I love him, he loves me. Even if he loves that guy, that guy can’t even love himself. I wish he could be happy, but I really don’t know.” 

 

They both walked to the main halls. Jaebum spotted his boyfriend, Yoongi spotted the maknae line; Jungkook. Jaebum was about to call Yugyeom who was with Bam Bam. “Yug-“

 

Yugyeom threw himself to hug Jungkook. “You piece of shit.” Crying.

 

Jungkook didn’t hugged back. Taehyung hid his face in his hands, Jimin glared at Taehyung. Yoongi and Jaebum got near to them, one of them confused the other tried to not get sad either jealous.

 

“What the hell, why did you tried to fucking kill yourself again!! Are you fucking stu—“ Jungkook snapped off and pushed him away.

 

“Your boyfriend is there, stop doing unnecessary things you brat.” Yugyeom felt hurt and Jaebum came to his side immediately. “And for the fucking times, I didn’t attempted to suicide assholes.”

 

Jaebum was mad, it’s was the first time Jungkook was an asshole with Yugyeom. “There is no fucking need to scream or be an asshole, Jungkook!”

 

“Jaebum, don’t.” Yugyeom held his hand tightly and ceased his anger away.

 

“Let’s go, Kook.” Jimin said knowing that probably the younger will feel weak. Taehyung screwed it up bringing his ex back to his business. He patted Jungkook’s back.

 

“Just stay away from me. We aren’t nothing anymore.” And then he glanced to Yoongi. Pitiful, Jungkook felt bad and tears came out. And it was the very first time seeing him cry. Yugyeom’s, Taehyung’s and Jimin’s heart sunk in their beloved person weird response. 

 

Yoongi connected all points and then he was captive by his silent cry. Jungkook was so broke but nobody couldn’t help him except Yoongi himself. Somehow he knew, even if Jaebum said ‘that guy can’t love himself.’ Yoongi got closer to Jungkook and rubbed off his tears. “Don’t.”

 

Jungkook glanced to him teary and laughed awkwardly. “We really start with the left foot, Yoongi.” He didn’t say anything more and left them alone. Jungkook felt so damn weak, he even ignored the phone calls and locked himself in the gallery private room. 

 


	5. You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He doesn't know what's happening
> 
> But he will know better, later.

What was love in first place? Did he really was in love? That could explain his terrible heart ache, or how miserable he feels missing someone like him? Jungkook groaned and punched his empty canvas breaking it before throwing it against the wall.

 

That was it. He fell so deep in love with someone he just knew his physical, his music, his name and the saint kiss. Seems to be much but it’s absolutely nothing. Please someone save him before he can’t stop himself.

 

That night Jungkook cried harder as he didn't understand why the fuck he was crying if he hadn’t a fucking answer yet. Yoongi saw all his bad sides until now. Was Yoongi willing to know his good sides? But at first… does Jungkook had good sides?

 

Three days later…

 

**[Bangtan group chat]**

 

Hobi— So, you all coming for the fantastic Min Yoongi to perform tonight at the big Piazza?

 

Jin— Of course! Joonie says he is going too 

 

Chimmi— Tae and I will be there for sure hyung!

 

Suga— Please don’t be embarrassing, it is a concert, like the orchestra, please don’t fucking scream or I will chop your tongues

 

Tae— Scary, have you woken up early?

 

Suga— Kook, you are going to be there, right?

 

Hobi— Oh, yes please Jungkook!! You have to come!!

 

**Kook has left the chat.**

 

Joonie— Is he okay?

 

Tae— We haven’t talk since three days, so I don’t know…

 

Jin— Three days!!?? 

 

Chimmi— He was out because a gallery out the country and he needed space

 

Suga— I take that as he isn’t coming, right?

 

Tae— Yeah… 

 

—

 

**[Him]**

 

Suga— Brat, you alive?

 

Suga— Brat?

 

Suga— Are you coming tonight?

 

Suga— Are you okay?

 

Kook— Why you care?

 

Suga— Why I shouldn’t?

 

Kook— What time?

 

Suga— 8pm semiformal.

 

Kook— Whatever.

 

—

 

“Now, you let yourself to be seen, Kook.”

 

“Fuck off, BamBam.” Jungkook said as he changed classroom. Three days since last incident, three days since he has been talked.

 

“Asshole, Yugyeom is hell worried and Jaebumie hyung wants to choke you to dead. Making enemies in your friends, not good kid.” 

 

“I never asked them to be my friends, really suck your own dick BamBam.” Jungkook hissed as he stumbled into someone and fell down miserably. “Fuck.”

 

“Big words for a brat.” The familiar voice talked and Jungkook cussed under his breath. Kihyun. “Oh it’s the infamous Jeon Jungkook.” Kihyun laughed and grabbed his collar. 

 

BamBam immediately went to get Yugyeom or someone. Jungkook and Kihyun weren't in good terms, they hated each other so much. Leaving them alone wasn’t the best decision. When BamBam came back, Jungkook had his lip bruised and bleeding but the one lying on the floor bleeding was Kihyun. The situation was pretty bad but it was way too normal to them. Jaebum and Jackson helped Kihyun to the nursery, and Yugyeom, BamBam took Jungkook to the nursery too. Kihyun just had his nose broken and a few scraps on his stomach. Jungkook on the other way he had his lip busted and chin scratched, the blood had hid that part.

 

“You really can’t stay still for a fucking second, can you?” Yugyeom hissed at them as he was cleaning Jungkook’s injury. “Asshole.” He muttered under his breath.

 

Jungkook gently took Yugyeom’s hand off him. “Don’t.” He just stood up and glanced to the clock. 6pm. Two hours. 

 

Jungkook took his things and went directly to crash at the gallery. It was empty but it wasn’t, there was many people but there was this silence, they were talking but the noises got muffled. Jungkook entered the room and drop on his spare bed over the amount of new blank canvas and new paints. The trip helped him and used his money for something better. Hours had passed and a lot of messages. He ignored Taehyung’s and Jimin’s like always.

 

**[Him]**

 

Suga—I want to see you.

 

_Sent at 7:59pm._

 

That’s when he dressed up clumsily, a nice white shirt, black denim and his lip busted still. Jungkook ran. The concert was finishing, his music was stunning, he could feel it, he could and he felt safe. So fucking safe. He had tears again, and surprisingly he needed Min Yoongi. The audience clapped as it finished, Hoseok and Taehyung were being embarrassing as fuck and Yoongi was bowing goodbye. Jungkook stepped forward, he forgot where he was. Min Yoongi. Just him in his eyes. 

 

“Jungkook.” 

 

They way he was called by that deep and honey voice. He shivered and stepped forward to the stage as he leaned to kiss Yoongi. 


	6. Is this safe?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungkook took a big step forward, but he is slowly taking it back.
> 
> Yoongi won't let him as he pulls the younger closer.

The audience, gasps, annoying whistles, even the faint sound of claps. 

 

Jungkook had leaned to steal a kiss from Yoongi, not exactly steal since Yoongi answered back. not pulling away by any chance. Even if Jungkook tried to regret, Yoongi will not let him. His fingertips caressed the younger’s flushed cheeks deepening their second kiss that felt like the very first. Yoongi pulled away when he felt Jungkook running out of air. The sight was special, innocent for someone who had some many shit in his young life. Yoongi chuckled caressing his cheek and leaned to whisper.

 

“You took long.” Jungkook had himself tearing up again and he hid his face on his shoulder. 

 

He couldn’t understand when he had fall in love, or when he needed him that much. But he knew this was a big step for himself. 

 

-

 

“You ignored us completely, and you just popped from nowhere and kissed Yoongi so fucking suddenly!” Taehyung exclaimed after they had move to a bar in order to celebrate Yoongi’s success. He raised his beer and pouted. 

 

“I knew you were into him, the painting and then only being responsive to him-“ Jimin huffed elbowing Jungkook’s side. 

 

Jungkook ignored them again as he leaned and hid face on Yoongi’s back, purring sweetly. He seemed like a tamed lion, Yoongi just looked over his shoulder as the younger had his eyes closed. then he stared until Namjoon caught his attention.

 

“Alright, leave alone the younger and let’s focus on the reason why are we here.” Namjoon smirked wrapping an arm around Yoongi’s shoulder and receiving a huff from the older. “Come on! Two big companies got an eye on you to be their exclusive producer and spoil you with everything you want. That’s so fucking big, hyung!” Yoongi smiled once Namjoon showed his dimples around his smile.

 

“Yes, yes, i know it’s big but I don’t want to forget my passion in piano while I do berry-cursi songs.”

 

“Yeah! Imagine Yoongi singing to the new Twice album for inspiration!” Hoseok exclaimed as he laughed, in consequence everyone laughed except for Jungkook.

 

Yoongi stiffed and felt the cold wind against his back when the younger wasn’t leaning anymore and muttered “Bathroom.” What was strange, is that he never came back and the only in noticing that were Jimin, Taehyung and Yoongi. The party was over when the couple of 94’s liners were throwing their guts and having Seokjin scolding them. Yoongi excused himself to the bathroom with Jimin and Taehyung behind him.

 

“If he isn’t here, he probably went back home or to the gallery.” Jimin commented casually, because it wasn’t the first time.

 

Taehyung entered first and knocked the bathroom stalls door receiving grunts from random people until finding one with the open door. He pushed and found their young artist hugging his knees and hiding his face between his knees. Jimin passed from Taehyung and brushed Jungkook’s scalp, sweet and calming as he received a whimper. Jungkook lifted his head, showing his face covered in tears. “S-ssorry..”

 

Jimin hushed him. “Why are you sorry baby? There is no reason to be.” Cupped his cheeks and kissed his forehead. “Care to explain?”

 

Jungkook followed with a lightly nod. “I don’t know what to do, there is this flaming feeling in my chest, strong and warm each time I’m near Yoongi hyung, but I’m not good, I have too many issues and I can’t assure to make him happy.” Sing-sang between whimpers almost hyperventilating gladly Tahyung was rubbing his back soothly to calm him. “I never felt like this with Yugyeom, but I feel all this with someone I just met in days.. I’m crazy.”

 

Taehyung huffed playfully. “Well, in theory you are crazy, with some many mental disorders slash issues in your muscle body.” Jungkook and Jimin glared with a _Not helping at all, thanks_. 

 

The youngsters focusing on Jungkook had forgot of Yoongi standing right in front of them. Yoongi just listened silently and stared at the youngest of them. Until. “Jungkook.”

 

Jungkook looked at him surprised and ready to disappear from earth but he didn’t when Yoongi knelt in front and between his legs to pull him into a kiss. _Shut up._


	7. Damned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungkook for the first time is afraid to hurt someone,   
> Yoongi is afraid to fall in love.
> 
> But they find comfort in each other.  
> It's okay to be afraid, we have each other to fight it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Normally between «...» are represented as situations before yoonkoook meet.  
> In Italic I express the important things to say.
> 
> Also, this is from Yoongi's POV, it is a summary from chap 1 to the actual, what he felt.

_«“Are you going to only give your live to music and not love? Don’t you want to fall in love?” He asked honestly. “Are you serious? How can you do music without love?”_

 

_Yoongi blinked and huffed. “If that’s your way to confess to me, Hoseok?” The younger blushed and coughed awkwardly. “I don’t need to love a partner to do music, I love my mother, my dog, my piano. That’s enough.”_

 

_Hoseok pouted. “Why not me?”_

 

_“I’m sorry.”_

 

_And that was all. Yoongi couldn’t love another human, he was betrayed once, he didn’t need a second disappointment. Or he didn’t need to disappoint someone else, specially his longest and close friend. Yoongi never considered it again and he wasn’t going to. Music was everything he needed._

 

_Music was everything he needed. »_

 

Music was everything he need. He repeated it in his head during all those years of his career and work, each time he picked on a scene, letter, sound, music was his only true love. Not even his high school crush Hoseok could have pulled him out his little obsession. He once was a loving person, he kissed the guy he wanted and wanted to share a future, Yoongi had a lover like that but things crashed and broke miserably. He didn’t want to believe in someone, just in something, cause it will always accept him and never leave. 

 

That was until he saw his portrait, the colors, the feelings and his creator, _Jeon Jungkook._  

 

Yoongi was fucked, he never thought his heart could beat for someone again, he was scared of the younger boy, he was scared, because he was only a pretty face then his hell. But the thing with Jeon Jungkook in Yoongi’s eyes, Jungkook would never be capable to hurt Yoongi as much he hurts himself. Yoongi met a broken boy, a suicidal hippie painter, a boy with big doe eyes and bunny teeth, an extremely insecure kid who had fell for Yoongi like it was his ‘first love’.

 

And it felt like a first love, like the song Yoongi wrote for his biggest passion, the piano. When he first met Jungkook, it wasn’t a blind date or a crazy fanboy, neither a casual date or group date, they were looking for Taehyung’s and Jimin’s young artist who paint Yoongi so beautifully in a canvas, they were looking for the boy resting on the floor with cuts on his wrists and blood blooming like flowers. Damn, he was fucked up. Yoongi never thought when he had his lips sucking on his wrist, he felt like a vampire but he wasn’t only sucking on blood but on his venom. Jungkook’s essence traveled in Yoongi’s body, he was starstruck for him.

 

Their first meeting was odd, who would imagine he would met a suicidal young boy with lots of potential, dying in love with him. Jungkook never hid how he was being taken into Yoongi’s whirlpool, he didn’t stop him either, Yoongi wanted him. Aside from music, he wanted Jungkook’s life in his, no matter what. He met Jungkook again in another bloody accident and _“You taste like fire”._ Yoongi felt captive in his caramel fainting voice. Yoongi was damned.

 

Three days without talking he went crazy, did Jungkook gave up on him? Did he killed himself? Where is him? Yoongi was so done, he spammed the younger with messages but Jungkook was cold and he had left. Yoongi lost his shit when he texted him _I want to see you._ He knew he had lost the game, he couldn’t fool himself anymore.

 

Jungkook came, he came and kissed Yoongi. Yoongi didn’t push him off or anything he just between light pants said _“You took long.”_ Jungkook cried and Yoongi melted. During the party he felt him off, tried to brush it off, tried to think maybe are the nerves. But the younger excused himself and went missing the rest of the party, he along the youngsters went to find him, and they did. The crying boy was rejecting himself, before Yoongi said something, and he knew, Jungkook was scared too, he was scared.

 

Yoongi called him and leaned to kiss him, and it wasn’t a soft one nor a quick one. He made Jungkook weak, made him to moan and melt, Yoongi tugged on his hair and made their kiss heated, enough to make Taehyung and Jimin leave flustered.

 

Yoongi pulled away in order to breath and look at the dumbfounded boy. “Are you going to keep yourself in the bathroom crying and leave _your boyfriend_ alone in the dance floor?” He teased loving the reaction of the latter as Yoongi stood up extending his hand.

 

“B-boy-boy-boyfriend!?” Startled, flustered, teary eyed, weak. Jungkook looked up and battered his eyelashes, it was a beautiful sight. It was like Jungkook went back when he was a cute teenager and he just waited the response of his confession. “H-hyung..”

 

“Do I have to repeat myself?” Yoongi huffed and pinched Jungkook’s lips. “Listen to me well, I don't fucking kiss strangers neither I do kiss my friends. So, please stop being this dense and let me inside, non literal yet.”

 

Jungkook blinked and grabbed Yoongi’s wrist to let his lips go. “I am a crazy fucker, I don’t know how to live, I don't know how to be romantic or be a boyfriend, I don't know how to love, I will only give you a heavy weight. I am not special.” 

 

“Then I will make you special.” And his words worked like magic, Jungkook looked up and gripped on his hand. “I will teach you how to live, healthy and enjoy each little thing.” Squeezed his hand back and brought it up to kiss his knuckles.

 

“Date me, be mine and let me teach you how to love again as you will teach me too.” Yoongi said as a chant, Jungkook stood up and cried like a baby, nuzzled his red nose in Yoongi’s neck and babbled how much he was scared to hurt Yoongi the most.

 

“Yes, I want to be _yours._ ”

 


	8. Messages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is love?  
> Jungkook asks while he goes crazy.
> 
> Yoongi will let him know, they are good together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ajsfkksjfnkdjvsdkvjkdfj I KNOW  
> I TOOK TOO LONG, before I received a message (t h a n k s)  
> i was thinking to come back, and finish the fanfic (ineedu),  
> continue this one before I start other projects, 
> 
> nsdjknskdnvskf now I am in vacations so, I will try best to update.  
> SO SORRY FOR TAKING AN ETERNITY
> 
> by the way, all what i write is unbetaed that's why you will always find so many mistakes-  
> my main isn't english, so I will always have grammar errors :<

He never cared about hurting others, he never cared Yugyeom’s feelings or Taehyung’s or Jimin’s, he never cared about self- harm or injuries or falling or if he painted shit. Jungkook never cared about them and way too less about himself. He never cried for anyone else, he never cried hard, he always do things so dumb and disappointing. Jungkook never saw himself enjoying life, being sad or being happy.

 

Then what are the feelings he had right now? Right now, right now as he had his red cold nose resting in Yoongi’s neck

 

Time fled to fast, he was in Yoongi’s arms one moment, and the next he was on his room locked, again. Jimin sighed, it was like nothing ever happened. Yoongi tucked Jungkook in bed and left, Jungkook locked his room leaving Jimin and Taehyung away. Nothing new, just same story, where he was alone and isolated from everyone else.

 

**[Him]**

 

Are you sleeping? 

_Sent at 2:16am._

 

The fainted ring, made him move from his original position. Reach the phone, caressing the screen with his fingertips, pulling it closer to himself. The reflection on his eyes showed the white blueish screen light, Yoongi’s message. 

Then again another pang in his heart, it hurt or it didn’t. 

 

**[Him]**

 

None of this is a dream.

I am real as much as you are.

I am your boyfriend.

You aren’t alone anymore.

_Sent at 2:34am._

 

What was that feeling? The ache in his heart, the wetness in his eyes, the slight sting and the dryness. Licking his lips. Fidgeting, struggling and his breath hitched. Before he could realize, tears, fat tears falling like the snow. Falling to clash onto the floor and disappear. 

 

Was it sadness? Happiness? 

 

**[Him]**

 

I ~~love~~ like you, Jungkook.

_Sent at 2:59am._

 

Too many minutes slide off his fingers, he could pretend he was sleeping, he couldn’t pretend it was a dream. Why?

 

Finally grabbed the phone just to tighten his grip around it before standing up and throwing it with force against the tiles. Breaking the screen, and break into a cry. 

 

But he wasn’t sad. It wasn’t sadness. The ache in his heart was a signal.

 

He was in love. In love with _Min Yoongi._


	9. Tearful scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It has become as a routine.
> 
> A month has passed, and still,   
> Yoongi can't take his eyes away from Jungkook.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> waekafjfkjdkf yes yes two chapters in a row-  
> since i am in a weird mood, I have some inspiration,
> 
> so, i might update some chapters, stay tuned!!
> 
> forgive my grammar mistakes, and   
> warning trigger: for the next chapters i might mention  
> Jungkook's issues, he might have some relapse   
> there might be blood, suicidal thoughts and some stuff.
> 
> So, you have been warned, read by your own uhm what was the word??   
> dhakdjfak you got me-

It has become a routine, and before he could realize it, they have been dating for a month. Yoongi would everyday leave night messages to Jungkook, reminding him, he wasn’t a dream. Reminding him, someone like him can be loved too.

 

Yoongi opened the curtains letting the sun shine on the dead body covered in blankets. The older clicked his tongue as he picked the hem of the blankets and pulled with all strength exposing the small body of the other. 

 

“Yah, how many times I have told you to wear more clothes, I swear to god you will catch a cold and I will not look after you, brat.” Said as Jungkook sat on the bed, only wearing loose boxers that mostly exposed his hip bone and more.

 

Then Jungkook felt it again. Every time his skin was exposed, every scar was too. Specially the ones on his wrists and thighs. 

 

Yoongi knew before he saw the scars first, Jimin and Taehyung exposed him when he was in ‘danger’ that one time after the painting accident. But he remembered the first time Yoongi saw him.

 

 

 

 

_— The first time, Yoongi came by in the morning with pastries and banana milk. Being Jimin the one telling Yoongi about Jungkook’s baby obsession with banana milk even when he acts so idiotic mature. Taehyung opened the door to Yoongi, told him about Jungkook being lazy and always sleeping so late._

_Yoongi surprised about that, because he was the type to sleep until the time he wanted but Jungkook seemed to be lost. He wanted to become his light to his darkest path._

 

_Yoongi nodded, walking to the younger’s doorless room, (Yoongi broke his door in chapter three). There was laying on bed a bulge under the blankets. Yoongi sighed as he opened the curtains. His room was so dark, once he welcome the sun, he could see. The stains of paint on the floor, the furniture, the wall, including the bed._

 

_“Jungkook, wake up. I brought banana milk.” Tried once, useless. Not even a breath. Yoongi couldn’t help but sigh. And tried again. “Jungkook, wake up or I will kick your ass.”  Nothing._

 

_With that Yoongi had no choice to grab the blanket and pull it with all strength to the floor. He got to appreciated the half naked body of his three days boyfriend. Damn, that was a sight._

 

_Bed hair, a big light pink pout, talk closed eyes, that small crinkle on the corner of his eyes, the crunch of his nose, the naked everything except for his private parts thanks the boxer he was wearing. Yoongi forgot how to breathe when he exhaled seconds after._

 

_“Hyung… too early.” Rusty, deep and hoarse. Yoongi felt goosebumps, if this wasn’t the hottest sight he had so far then he didn’t know how to define this._

 

_“Jungkook is 3pm, early my ass.” Yoongi leaned closer to grab his wrist and pull the younger out of his slumber. Then he paused. Under his fingertips, there was something._

 

_Jungkook innocently rubbed his eyes with the other hand. Then he felt the hot water on his skin, just to peak up to watch the elder cry silently. Startled. “H-hyung-?”_

 

_Why? What happened? Jungkook didn’t know until he felt Yoongi’s thumb caressing the skin on his wrist. He knew. And Yoongi knew._

_“How long?” It was a simple question filled in sadness._

 

_Jungkook gulped and kept eye contact with Yoongi when the older asked. “About eight years.”_

_Yoongi sucked in a breath, covering his mouth from throwing up. How much pain Jungkook has been into, to do things to endanger his life._

_After that they just cuddled until Yoongi stopped crying. Jungkook felt confused, but at the same time felt Yoongi’s empathy. —_

 

 

 

“Hyung, you are staring again.” Jungkook said softly as he stood to cup Yoongi’s cheek and the other to lean into the touch.

 

“Can’t help it, I wanted to admire the precious sight but that includes your flaws too.” Turned his face in order to kiss Jungkook’s palm. “Get dressed, we are going to a date.”

 

Jungkook felt again that ache in his heart, but it wasn’t pain but a silly smile and love.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just fucking in the with this AU I wrote for Yoonkook Week and now I'm working on it somehow.
> 
> http://bunnykookjustcam.tumblr.com/post/153782103697/yoonkook-week-day-6-costumespooky-day-what-if
> 
> Yes I know I have other fanfics, but I'm working on them too.
> 
> And yes some chapters are shorter other longer, so be patient?
> 
> Hope you like. I will do my best.


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